


With Heart in Hand

by Wierdowithagun



Category: Naruto
Genre: Canon - Anime, Fluff, General Hidan-ness, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Murder, Naruto-verse, Rebirth, Religious Conflict, Romance, Swearing, Violence, War, Zombies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-20
Updated: 2014-06-20
Packaged: 2018-02-05 12:43:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1818955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wierdowithagun/pseuds/Wierdowithagun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'Heart for heart, we fall apart. With heart in hand, we live again.' Back from the dead in the midst of a war, Kakuzu need's to break the Edo Tensei without becoming a corpse, and there's only one other person on this earth who can survive death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	With Heart in Hand

**Author's Note:**

> A request from Murasaki19 over on Fanfiction dot net and also kind of a self-challenge. I rarely ever write anything in canon-verse and wanted to see if I could pull it off. I'm very pleased that it's become somewhat popular. :) Hope you enjoy.

* * *

_You are not my God._

_You are not my Saviour._

_You are just a human. Just a mortal._

I don't know how long I've been here. I don't really care. Time is irrelevant, I'm alive, I know I'm still alive. I can feel my pulse, I can  _hear_  it.

_Kt-shunk... Kt-shunk.. Kssshhh-shunk._

It sounds kind of funny, but who the hell am I to question?

It keeps going, that sound. It's starting to really fucking bug me, but I can be patient when I have to be. Jashin-sama will get me out of this, and he will cast his judgment on that idiot for his blasphemous proclamations. And I will get to carry out the order. Oh Jashin-sama, I've seen it so many times, played it in my head over and over, all the ways I'll steal his soul. How blessed I'll feel, how  _alive_  I will be when the day finally comes that I can give it to you. I know you're there, I know you're working to get me out. I can hear it.

_Ksht... Kssht-unk. Ksht-ksht-shunk._

It's louder. It's getting louder. I know it is, I've been down here so goddamned long, it's the only thing to hear aside from the worms eating at my flesh. It's hurts, and it itches, and it's driving me insane. But I trust in you, Jashin-sama. I know that you are getting me out of here. Is it wrong to believe that you need me? Not to blaspheme, I mean no disrespect, but I was granted immunity, I gave you so many, I killed in your honor, I  _died_  in your honor. You would not leave me here. Not when that asshole runs loose. He must receive his recompense.

 _You are_ not _my God._

_You are only human. You will bleed and you will die._

That sound, dammit, that fucking sound! It's still going, I still hear it! Can't you shut it off until I'm free? Can't I sleep? It's taking so long. I trust you Jashin-sama, you know I do. But it's taking so long!

I can hear it, above me, I think. So close... If I could move, I could reach it. And I could grasp it, and I could squeeze it until it shuts the bloody fucking hell up. And I could sleep, I could sleep while I wait. Because I'll be out soon. I'm sure I will, I have to be. Because he is not my God... He is not my God.

* * *

 

I don't remember what it's like to breathe. I've been crushed beneath earth and rock for so long. Hard and unforgiving, like my old partner. I don't remember how it feels to suck in that empty nothingness until I feel full. I wish that I could, I've tried. But it's just dirt. It's dirt and rock.

That sound is gone. It's quiet at last. I think I fell asleep, I had a dream. Someone was moving me. My lungs miss the air, I felt them move, like you were breathing life into me, Jashin-sama. Everything moved. I was almost cold, I didn't remember cold until I dreamed it.

Cold and wind and air in my lungs. I could feel it all, like it was happening. But it's gone now, I'm numb again, there is nothing but this hole. But the rocks and bugs and dirt. Where are you? Why am I still here? You would take it back if I weren't to keep living. I do not deserve this punishment. I served you until the end, with everything I had. You need me, you owe me. Why am I still here?

He is not my God. Lord Jashin is my God. I... I know that. Am I wrong?

* * *

 

This is not life.

I don't know where I am.

I don't know what I am.

Can you still be dizzy without sight? Can your vision grow fuzzy when there's nothing to see?

It's been... so long. So goddamn long. And I can feel it. It's draining away. The sound is gone, I hated it, but now I want it back. There is nothing else.

I'm... I'm going to die.

I didn't mean it, Jashin-sama. Please don't leave me. Don't leave me here alone.

It's trickling out, the last little embers of a dying flame. My soul will go to no one, If I even have a soul. If you leave me, I have nothing, no one. It will leak away into the dirty and rocks. Nothing. It will be nothing. I will be... nothing.

_You... you are not my God..._

_There... There is none._

 

 

* * *

 

 

Pain.

Brilliant and burning and piercing and bright.

It's coursing through me.

It hurts, oh  _fuck_  it hurts. But it's so good. There is something. I can feel. I must be alive.

Finally.  _Finally._

I want to laugh, there is air in my lungs again, I can feel it, it hurts so bad. I think I'm screaming, but I don't remember my voice. I don't know what I'm seeing, it's so bright, I had to shut my eyes. I can't feel it so good if they're open, I can't hear that scream, and feel the pain.

Oh yes, YES!

It hurts so bad, so fucking bad. I don't remember pain hurting like this. But it's fine, it's wonderful, it's  _beautiful._  Never again will I forget pain. Pain is all I have, If you left me. But you didn't, you couldn't have, because I can feel. I'm alive, I know I'm alive.

That is me. That is my voice, And it changes right then and there as I realize it. I can  _feel_. I feel my body start tensing, shaking, The air whooshes in and I take a breath, I'd swallow it if I could, i'd gulp it down and keep inhaling until my insides burst from it, but I can't stop screaming because it just hurts so fucking  _good._  But it breaks, it's not a scream, because I'm laughing now. I'm alive, I'm back, I'm out of that dirt and rock. I can carry out your will again, Lord Jashin. I can be alive, I can have purpose.

The laughter hurts more than the scream.

But I only laugh harder. Yes, I'm alive. I can feel, I can breathe, I can... I can move.

I have to see. I have to... open my eyes. I'm laughing too hard, it hurts, it hurts so bad and it feels so good but damn it it's actually really starting to fucking hurt. I can't inhale when I'm laughing this hard. I don't want to die again. I need to breathe. But it hurts, why does it hurt so bad? Pain never hurt like this, pain was good, pain was everything. I.. I need to breathe.

I need to breathe and see and feel and move.

And Kill.

Him.

I need to kill him. That bastard who dare call himself my God, my savior.

I stopped the laughter, just like that. I sucked in air and I pushed it out, hard and fast.

I need to see.

But first I need to move. But I don't remember how. It can't be that hard. I can laugh and breathe and scream, so I can move. I just have to want it, I have to imagine it. I'm alive, I know I can move.

And move I do. First my fingers. There's something soft, and wet. Grass? Is that what grass feels like? Oh God... It feels so good. Anything other than dirt and rock and dark feels good.

I want to grab it. Yes, it's working. Pull it out, pull it from the ground. Crush it in your hand until you bleed from the grip. YES! My body is listening. I can feel it in my hand. I need to see. I need to see it.

Open. Eyes... open.

 

* * *

 

It's still bright, it's so fucking bright. It burns and I think it's making me cry. But I don't even fucking care. It hurts and stings, but I'll never close them again. The pain is so good, it hurts so bad but it's good. It has to be good. Did it always feel like this? Damn that hurts.

Blue. Blue everywhere. And Green. I can remember colors now, just like air and grass. Those are... sky, and trees. I'm out, I'm really out. You finally got me out. You did it, I'm alive. I- "I told you you would die if you weren't careful."

No more thoughts, just pain... and confusion, and I rake in each breath as if it were my last. Jashin? Is that you? Have you come back? Are you with me again? How do I talk? Fuck.

"I lied." Is that my voice? Did I just speak? "I... didn't let them. But they did it anyway."

They, yes. Them, wait... no...  _him._

_You are not my God._

"I can see that, idiot."

That's... That's not you, Jashin. You did not dig me out? Where am I? What's happening, who saved me? Who pulled me from that nothing, that purposeless nothing?

Move, eyes, body. Look away from the trees and the sky. I know that voice, I think. I... I remember...

 

* * *

 

We're sitting now. Staring at each other.

He's not the same. I can't look away. I can't tell who that is. It... it looks like Kakuzu. But his eyes... Have they always been like that? Is that you, Jashin? Are you in there? It looks like my old partner, it sounds like him. But it's not, it can't be.

"You... saved me?"  _You came back? But you hate me. You wanted me to die. Why am I here? Why am I alive because of you?_ Kakuzu, of all people. You came back for me? You rescued me again, from that brat who is  _not_  my God and The Hole he buried me in. I didn't expect to see you, because you hate me, you always said.

"If you were dead, then yes."

"I was... dead... I was dead." Is all I can say, like a fucking parrot. I remember dying. I was scared. But I couldn't have died, because I'm alive. No one returns from death. But here I am. I thought I was dead, but maybe I wasn't. I don't know, I can't think. Why is Kakuzu here, where is my God? Where are you Jashin-sama?

"You were." He agreed. Calm and slow, as if talking to a confused fucking child.

This... is better than pain. I don't understand. It feels good, what feels this good except pain? I can't... fuck. I can't remember anything. Even now The Hole is fading. Was it all a dream? I know it happened, I know that I died. But I couldn't have died. Because I'm alive.

We sat there for awhile. But I didn't mind, for once. It was quiet, but it wasn't. There were birds chirping, the wind blowing, leaves rustling. Sounds I haven't heard for so long, I thought I'd never hear again. I didn't know how much I missed them. They were never anything but annoying before, always so loud when you needed to be quiet. But here they are, earth and grass and trees and forest, wind and air and birds chirping. There was dirt and rock, but it was below me, where it belong, where it should be. It wasn't suffocating me, burying me, pushing down on me until I wanted to scream, but couldn't.

Finally, Kakuzu moved. He was staring at the ground, but he took his hand, and placed it over his heart. I stared at him, I tried to see what he was thinking. I couldn't. I never could, I remember. He was such a stoic, wise man. Always thinking and thinking and angry at his thoughts and the world, and me. What is he doing? Was he feeling for his own pulse? What is he doing? I asked this aloud, and he only looked up at me, as calm as ever. He said nothing, only stared. He stared, and I stared back.

I realized suddenly that he had nothing but a ratty pair of pants on. No hood, no cloak, no mask. Kakuzu never went around without his identity concealed. What happened to him? What happened to his eyes. They were not always like that, I don't think. We're... in the forest. The Hole is there beside me, it was nearly filled again with all the dirt and rock, all that had kept me prisoner, put back in it's place, with no one to crush. A grave with no corpse.

I looked back to him, he wasn't saying anything. Why wasn't he talking? he pulled me from that ground, and had nothing to say? Why was he here, dammit. Where is my God? Did you send him Jashin? Did he finally give into your will? Is he your tool? Your vessel? Is that you in there?

"Did you kill them?" I said when he didn't respond to my other question, instead of asking what I really wanted to. I hoped he said no, and I hoped he said yes. I wanted to carry out Jashin's judgement, but I think.. I'm afraid. I do not want to die again... But that motherfucker who buried me, he needed to die, I was alive again, and I would never let myself die. I would find him and kill him, and continue spreading the word of Jashin-sama, the God that had pulled me from an immortal grave.

"No."

"Oh... But you escaped..." I did not say it as a question, because I didn't think that it was one. It was rhetorical, obviously he escaped, or he wouldn't be here. I'm not surprised really, Kakuzu's always been smarter than me, and stronger too... I hated him for it, for a long time. But it made me stronger too, in a way... I'm glad he escaped, I wished he had killed them, if not for me than just because they needed to die. I'm glad in another way too. I was immortal, and I know that he is not, but it seems that way to me. If I couldn't die, and yet I did, then surely he could as well. But no, he was better than me, stronger, smarter. I'm glad he escaped.

"No." He said again. I was confused by this, but before I could answer I heard him say under his breath, his hand still over his heart. "I think it worked..." And then he stood up.  _You think_ what  _worked?_ I wanted to ask. But he wasn't in a talking mood, Kakuzu was never in a talking mood. That was him, he was still the same... but he wasn't. I can't tell what it is, it starting to fucking bug me.

I stood up too, knowing I'm naked, and not careing. Well, not until he looked at me. "I need clothes." I said, using every ounce of my new strength to stay still where I was, to not cover myself. I didn't care what he thought of me anyway... did I? He had pulled me from The Hole, put me back together, there was no reason to hide anything, he'd sewn me up hundreds of times anyway. He wouldn't care, he wouldn't think of me in any way to pass any sort of judgement. He hated me, but then...

_Why did you come back? Why am I alive if I was dead?_

"That observation is correct. Did you grow a brain while you were down there wasting time?"

"Bastard." Still the same, but different. I don't think you're in there, Lord Jashin. I don't know how I know, but I do. I can't feel you. I don't think it's you. It's just Kakuzu... Just him.

"We need to get moving. We're being watched."

I didn't sense any presences, but I was rusty and I I turned to use my new sight, scanning the surroundings. I saw no one, I sensed no one. Not until I saw a lone buck standing just barely exposed behind the thick trunk of a tree. A second of fear flashed through me, I remember. I remember seeing those goddamn dear when that son of a bitch buried me.  _Him,_  I don't even know his fucking name. 'We will watch over you, and make sure you never escape.' Hah, that just proves it. You're not God of mine.

I looked away, because I don't like being afraid. Fear is for mortals, which I'm not, seeing as I was dead, and now I'm alive.

"Are we going to Amegakure? I don't have my ring..." Kakuzu didn't either, I noticed. He didn't have anything. I did not know what else to ask, I did not know what to do now. He would not tell me why he had dug me out. I can only assume our Leader finally realized I wasn't dead. He must have sent him to get me. But that didn't explain his clothes, where was his robe? Where was... anything? He had nothing.

I still don't know how long I was buried, how long I was... dead. I'm not even so sure I was dead anymore. Everything is fading away, like it never happened. I feel different, everything feels different. New, even though I remember. Brighter, clearer, as if before I was living under some shield, a hypnotized zombie mulling around with a purpose that wasn't really purposeful...

And Kakuzu... I still don't know what happened to my partner. I don't know anything. But what else is new? He will tell me or he won't. I remember him better, he hasn't changed so much. He isn't new, but that's not a bad thing. Sometimes mortals take comfort in things staying the same. Even though I'm not mortal, not if I died, not if I'm alive again. But he's not the same either. Those eyes, they were not always like that. I know, I liked his eyes, they were terrifying.

"No." He said, and started walking at his usual slow pace. I watched him walk away, in nothing but a pair of pants. Not even wearing shoes. I don't understand. Did we have another mission? Another Bijuu, a Jinchuriki?

"Where are we going?" I said, not sure why I was just assuming he wanted me to follow. That's just what I did, before The Hole. Followed him everywhere, helped him when he needed it, tried to show him the way. Yet here we are now, he dug me up and somehow made me alive even though I wasn't.

_Why, why did you come back? Why didn't you kill them?_

"To find clothes." He said, vague and stoic as ever. I don't know why, but I smiled, and started after him. It's hard to walk, even harder to jog like I had to to catch up to him. But I did it anyway. I didn't want to be left behind.

"I need my weapon." I said just behind him.

"You'll have to do with what we can find." That made me mad. I didn't want just any weapon, I wanted mine. When I found clothes, I was going to find that Konoha motherfucker and destroy him, Damn Akatsuki's orders and goals, I think I deserved a fucking break. I was going to find him and make him pay, and then everything and everyone dear to him. I wanted my scythe.

But I didn't argue with him, because I still didn't know what happened. He was the same, same old Kakuzu, but different. The old Kakuzu wouldn't have come back for me. He hated me, he was always angry and miserly. But this one, I don't know what or who he was. Still Kakuzu, but not.

 

* * *

 

The second we stepped from that forest onto the desolate fucking dirt path that led out of here, I felt better. It was fading even more now, The Hole was. And I felt strange, because I had a wierd sort of... content. Who was I to argue, though. It was probably just from being alive again. Death is a shitty thing, seriously.

Finally I ventured into all the unknown buzzing around my head. I was going to wait until we stopped to rest, but I remembered that Kakuzu doesn't do that, even though he should, seeing as I was dead a few hours ago.

"What happened?" I asked, it was a broad question that could pertain to any situation. I didn't specify, I would let him do that, because he would either tell me or he wouldn't. Because that was Kakuzu.

"You died."

Apparently he wasn't going to.

"Tch, really? I wasn't fucking aware."

"And I did too."

I stopped in my tracks. No, that wasn't right. He was just fucking around with me. He'd said he hadn't escaped, but that didn't mean he died. But he was saying he died. Kakuzu couldn't die. It just couldn't happen. I could, because I wasn't as strong, I wasn't as smart. But not him. He was lying. "What do you mean?"

He stopped and turned around. "I mean, I died." He stared at me for a moment, and continued on, as if those two words would suddenly just answer all these annoying damn questions buzzing around my head.

I was angry now, and I followed after him. How dare he lie to me. Kakuzu had always been many, but not a liar, never a liar. "Alright fucker. Enough with the confusing fucking answers. Tell me what happened?"

"Hm. And here I thought maybe all that time to think had made you wiser."

"How did you die?" I said, ignoring his insults. I was too mad at him to play into his stupid little games. I think he misunderstood the question, though. I wasn't asking how it had happened, I was asking how it was possible. Kakuzu couldn't die... he just couldn't. He was Kakuzu.

"Reinforcements came. I was down to two hearts, no thanks to you."

Yes, I remember... That heathen bastard tricked me. He made me betray Kakuzu. He will pay. That whole village will pay. Once I get some clothes, once I get my scythe, each and every one of them, the whole goddamned fire country, would feel Jashin's wrath.

"How could you have died if you're right here?"

"The entire Akatsuki is dead as well."

"WHAT?" Exactly how long was I down there?

"Which is why we are not returning to Amegakure."

"Kakuzu!" I shouted now. I can't believe it. I didn't like any of those idiots, but they couldn't  _all_  be dead. I know Sasori was dead. He was a smug little asshole anyway. But  _all_  of them? They always told me I was the weakest, And Kakuzu, I know he wasn't actually the strongest. But... it's just not possible. He's lying again, he has to be lying. why was he doing this? What the hell is going on?

He stopped again and turned around. I glared. "You can't dig me out of that fucking hole and make me alive again and not tell me what happened. So  _what the hell happened?"_ I wanted to know, of course I did. But a part of me didn't, I didn't want him to explain, because I didn't want it to be true. I don't care if the Stupid Akatsuki went and got themselves killed, I'd only joined to investigate Kakuzu, who'd I'd thought was another pioneer in immortality. He didn't turn out to be, he wasn't truely incapable of death, but that didn't change the fact that there wasn't anyone in this world that could kill him. It wasn't true, it couldn't be.

Finally he shows some sort of emotion. Anger, of course. It's always anger with him, unless he's killing someone.  _Then_  he smiles. I don't know if I've ever seen him enjoy anything, except money. He actually has a nice smile, terrifying, just like his eyes used to be.

"I don't know." He finally says. "I was dead."

"Bullshit! If you were dead then how the fuck are you here!?"

"Kabuto Yakushi. Impure World Reincarnation."

I stared at him. What the hell was he talking about? "Dammit can you ever speak in anything that's not a goddamned riddle!?"

"It is a forbidden jutsu among forbidden jutsu's. I was brought back to life to fight for him in the war."

"War?" I repeated, looking around. The forest was quiet, nothing but fucking birds chirping and trees as far as I could see. Just more proof that it wasn't true. "Doesn't look like a war."

"We were gone a very long time, Hidan." He said calmly, and turned to continue walking.

I felt my face twist in a grimace, but followed after him. But I kind of understood, a little, I guess. Someone used a forbidden jutsu on him. I'd heard about that, somewhere from someone. It was one of that fucking Konoha's Hokage's abilities. He really  _was_  dead. He actually died. But how? Kakuzu could take on an entire army, I've seen the devastation he could cause when he let loose, I've felt it, been victim to it. No one survived his wrath, just like Lord Jashin. His will was unbreakable.

It brought so many more questions to mind though. If he was supposed to be fighting in some war, why was he here? Why did he come back? If he wasn't sent to retrieve me... why?  _Why?_

"Kakuzu..." I said quietly. I didn't think he would talk about it any more right now. He seemed to only know a little bit more than me, anyway. I could be okay with not having answers, I think. He did not give any sort of sign that he'd heard me, but I know he did. If he wouldn't tell me all the rest, he could at least tell me one thing, one thing I had to know...

"Who killed you?" Why I wanted to know this, I wasn't sure. I was pissed, all the sudden. To kill me, that's one thing. I know I'm rash and impulsive, but when you can't die, you have the right to be, the way I see it. But to kill Kakuzu... Well... that fucking Konoha bastard could wait. This wasn't Jashin's will, Or even Kakuzu's, it was mine. No one could kill Kakuzu. No one who could continue living.

"The nine-tail jinchuuriki." He said back, calmly. Not angry, not bitter. Just perfectly calm. I didn't understand this either.

 

* * *

 

"I'm starving." I said, after we'd come across a tiny little village. It was abandoned, unfortunately. I wanted to make a sacrifice, but the strangest thing was that I didn't feel any sort of raging desire to. What had happened to me? Performing my ritual, giving Jashin-sama the souls he required had always been my top priority. I remember, because it had never left my thoughts. Destruction, chaos, death, those were always things I had wanted, constantly, like a fucking rat in the back of my head gnawing at me.

But now, it was still just that strange sort of peace.

I looked at Kakuzu, who was tying his hair back with a piece of fabric he tore off of one of the raggedy shirts left behind by the villagers. The question almost left my mouth as to why he didn't just rig some kind of mask and hood like he always wore, but I decided in the same moment that even though it was hard as all hell to read his expressions anyway, I still liked having the chance to. Always covered as they had been before was more infuriating than anything.

Was this because of kakuzu? Because I was so upset with his death, Those were the thoughts that couldn't leave my mind now. Not Jashin, not prayer or my ritual. Just revenge, and not even mine. If he wasn't going to give it, then I would...

There wasn't a soul here, in this little village, but it still looked like it had been inhabited recently, like everyone had just dropped what they'd been doing and left.

Maybe there  _was_  a war.

"I doupt there is anything that remains edible here." He replied.

"I'm going to look anyway. Do me a favor and don't take off without me eh?" I said, shrugging into the cloak I had found after scouring through closet after closet. I managed to find some pants, and there were all kinds of shoes, but they were peasant shoes, mere rags of stitched leather covered in layers of mud and dirt. I'd rather just go barefoot. Kakuzu seemed to think the same thing, he had a shirt on again, or at least it had been a shirt, before he ripped it up so that it exposed his back, which I had finally stopped to realize wasn't holding any of his masks. That meant he had only one heart right now.

That bothered me. Why, I'm not sure. But it did. What the hell had happened?

I stopped to look back at him, to make absolutely sure he wouldn't leave me. I don't know what was keeping him around, I wanted to know, I wanted to understand, but he wasn't going to tell me. He had suffered death, and reanimation, been slave to someone's jutsu. Proud, dominate Kakuzu, taking someone else's orders through no will of his own. I didn't like it. I hated it. I know he did too, even if he acted like he didn't. So I didn't pursue all my questions at the moment, because I didn't want him to leave. He had pulled me from that pit and saved me for some reason, But I could go on not knowing why, I think. At least for awhile.

I didn't end up finding any food. Everything was spoiled. Which meant we were going to have to go hunting. Luckily, war didn't make wildlife run and hide like the pathetic cowering mortals. At least not in this portion of the world, the village was abandoned, but there didn't seem to be any reason for it. Maybe just evacuation. I don't know, I'd never witnessed war. Kakuzu had, though, and he wasn't phazed, so I wouldn't be either. I did manage to find a rusty old Katana. It was a farming village, I assumed, everyone that had lived here had apparently never thought they'd need to defend themselves from anything. Either that or they took their weapons with them, which would make sense, I guess, if there was a war...

It definitely wasn't my scythe, it wasn't anything remotley similar to it, but like Kakuzu said; I'd have to make due. It was a little irritating, and after searching around the outskirts of the village for any sort of farming tools that could be used as weapons, Axes, pitchforks, even a fucking hacksaw for fucks sake, I decided maybe it wasn't a farming village. It was just a little shit peasant village that little shit peasants lived in. Fucking ridiculous.

 

* * *

 

My stomach was growling loudly when I met with him again at the edge of the village, and he stared at me in silence again for a minute. I was hungry, yes. But it didn't matter. I couldn't die anyway. Kakuzu, on the other hand, had only one heart. He wasn't going to admit it, but we needed to get some sort of food. And I wanted to find it for him, I had a weapon, a terrible, nearly useless weapon, but I would find something for him, because he had dug me out of that hole when Jashin hadn't. I was not serving him, He is not my God either, just helping him when he needed it, like I always had.

"I found this." I informed him, holding the weapon up. He looked at it in minor disgust. I shrugged. "I know. That's all there is though. Food stores are all rotten. Even the rice is infested with maggots. I can kill something with this, and you can eat it before that old heart of yours gives out."

He only gave a sort of drawn-out grunt before turning to leave. I followed, questions still buzzing around in my head. As the day progressed I was feeling more and more distant from the weird, calm, speculative mood I'd been in when I first woke up. I was starting to feel normal again, as we continued doing what we had always done before everything happened, before The Hole, before Kakuzu's defeat. The confusion was still there, but instead of being an overwhelming nuisance in my brain, it was going back to how I remembered it, unknown factors that I could push aside.

So, I guess to sum it up, I felt more like myself, or at least what I remembered myself to feel like. And that being so, Kakuzu was seeming more normal to me too, there was still that nagging little thought, that something was obviously different, but I pushed it aside, because I can do that now. There were more important things to lay out on the fucking table anyway.

"So... If whatever his name was brought you back with a summoning jutsu, or what the fuck ever it was. Shouldn't you be under his control?"

"Yes."

"So why aren't you?"

"He is controlling an entire army. He did not seem to believe I would stray from the duties he gave to me, and so let me briefly act of my own will. I took the opportunity to relieve myself from battle after I had a bit of fun, but my hearts were dying right and left, so I decided to make my leave in the chaos... That brat that killed you was there." He turned to look at me with the last bit, raising an eyebrow in an almost teasing way.

"What!? And you didn't fucking slaughter him?" So he was still alive. And fighting in a war. This was good, and bad too. If he died before I could kill him, I was going to be severely pissed. But, again, it wasn't top priority. I don't know why, but that's okay. Because i'm getting back to normal now, I can accept things I can't change, at least until I have the power to change them.

"Your vendetta's are not my concern, Hidan."

"Well they fucking should be. If I see that Jinchuuriki motherfucker I'm going to introduce him to hell, even if I have to take him there personally. No one fucking kills you. That's.. that's not fucking okay." I didn't mean to say it outside, and I didn't mean to get so quiet at the last. But i didn't care what Kakuzu thought, he'd never supported any of my decisions before, always called me an idiot for feeling the way I did about things that were important to me. Konoha could kill me, that's fine. But not Kakuzu, not him.

He eyeballed me sideways, but didn't say anything more. I didn't either, replaying his words in my head, until nearly an hour later when I realized how he'd changed the subject and I'd taken the bait like an idiot.

The terrain was starting to change now, I was pretty sure we were still in Fire country. But other than that, I had no fucking idea where we were. Not that it mattered really. I wondered what the hell we were going to do after we found food. I suppose I could look for a sacrifice, Lord Jashin was probably getting impatient, and again I found myself wondering why I didn't really care as much as I should about that fact. But I pushed it aside, who was I to question him... if he was still there.. at least. And anyway, If Kakuzu was still the same Kakuzu, which I was figuring out he pretty much was, he would likely start looking for some way to make cash. And at that point we would either revert back to the old times, hunting down bounties, I use my ritual to kill them and he trades the bodies for his blasphemous money. I thought that sounded like a fine idea, but there was always the chance he had some sort of ulterior plan. Like he said, he was  _briefly_  acting of his own will.

That sparked another question in my head, this one more alarming than the others I was able to ignore. Oh Fuck, what if he was just bringing me back so I could fight for this fucking guy in the war? What if he was trying to recruit me? Sorry, fucker, I kill only in the name of Jashin Almighty, you're barking up the wrong tree.

"Why hasn't he realized you're gone yet?" I said, starting back on the conversation. I'd kill him now if that was the case. I may not know Kakuzu that well, but if he was being fucking manipulated against his will, he'd want me to kill him. He only had one heart, after all, I could do it in one fatal sweep. He was practically just an average human now.

"I broke free."

"How'd you do that? Wouldn't you be dead again if you disrupted the technique?" I was blowing smoke out of my ass here. Let me be perfectly fucking clear on this, I don't know shit about most fucking jutsu's. Don't really care to either, unless it serves Jashin-sama's wishes. Bringing the dead back to life? No, he'd never go for something like that. He's pretty fond of his soul collection. But, there was usually a general guidline for most jutsu's. You break the technique, and it's cancelled out completley. Which means if it brought you back to life, you become dead again... At least this is what I was assuming. Again, I don't know shit about most jutsu's.

"I don't know." He said, answering the second half of my question and ignoring the first. I caught it this time, but he obviously didn't want to talk about it. I could annoy him until he did, but I wasn't feeling up to it. I was still pretty confused, after all. He wasn't acting as if he were being controlled, and Kakuzu... he wasn't a liar, despite my earlier thoughts. If he said he was free, I believed him. Mock my logic all you want, but I did.

And to be honest, I didn't want him to die again. Where the hell would that leave me? If the Akatsuki is all dead, and there's apparently a fucking war going on... I mean, it's not like we had any sort of direction or aim right now other than simple things like food and shelter. But I don't want to wander aimlessly, devine slaughter is cool and all, but damn it gets boring. It's never boring with Kakuzu. Well sometimes it is, but not nearly as much as it would be on my own again.

"Why'd you come back for me?" I asked again as another hour had passed.

"I had a theory I needed to test." A theory eh? Surely not a theory that you could cast some genjutsu you magically acquired while under what's-his'name's control so you could turn me into a fucking dog of war, right?

No, he said he was free. So he was free. Which meant it was something else. He hadn't told me to shut up even once since I'd been 'alive' again. I thought this was kind of weird, not that I wasn't happy about it. Obviously this topic needed more investigation, and what better way to goad explanations from Kakuzu than to annoy him so much that he'll do anything just to shut me up? "Awwe, Kuzu-chan, you missed me eh? See, I knew you were actually a nice guy deep down."

"Nonsense. I needed your heart."

"Oooh, and a romantic too! I'm flattered, seriously." I said, to cover the roaring waves of confusion this caused. My heart? What the fuck did he need  _my_  heart for? Wouldn't any old heart do? ' _Hearts are personal._ ' He'd told me once. ' _Your heart would be of no more use to me than a swine's._ ' So what the hell did he need my heart, specifically, for? Especially if I was supposedly dead anyway. Was I really dead? I can't remember, I remember hanging over that hole, I remember waking up and screaming until my lungs burned... But I don't remember being dead... Wasn't it only a few hours ago?

"You're an idiot." He said now. And I laughed at his expense. Same old Kakuzu, same, but different. It made sense, in a weird sort of way. It explained his eyes, I guess. He was under some zombie jutsu. Hah, if that fucking blue dumbass could see us now, he really would call us the zombie combo.

But... it wasn't just the eyes... that wasn't it. It looked like Kakuzu, acted like Kakuzu, talked like Kakuzu, and even thought like him. But there was still something different. I wish I knew what it was, I really do.

* * *

 

A few fat chickenhawks had the misfortune to cross our paths. Just like when we fought before The Hole, Kakuzu and my mind seemed to connect on a level that didn't require words. When it came to destruction, Kakuzu and I were two peas in a pod. With nothing more than a glance to confirm that we were both thinking the same thing, which was ' _Hey, we can eat that',_  we launched into action. He's fast, that old man is, but he only managed to catch one of them. I went after the other.

This Katana is dull and rusty, it doesn't have a cord to control it when it's not in my hands, and the weight is proportioned weirdly. I've used other weapons before, I know how to use a goddamn sword, but I'm not used to using anything except my scythe, which is big and sometimes cumbersome. It trades speed for it's range and adaptability. All I need is a dab of blood anyway. At least facing a human opponent, all we had now were goddamned birds.

All that aside, I still managed to fucking harpoon the little bitch with it. And plucked it right out of the sky, which had me feeling pretty 'cocky and arrogant', as Kakuzu said, after I returned. I didn't care, because that's how it had always been. He insulted me, I insulted him. He warned me to be careful, I told him to fuck off. I ended up getting chopped to bits and thrown in a hole, he digs me up and puts me back together. It's just how we worked. I had no qualms with it, if it were any other way, we wouldn't get along. Not that we did anyway, at least not to anyone else's eyes.

He refused to let us cook it and eat it until we found somewhere more suitable to start a fire. The ground had turned from soft, grassy terrain to sort of rocky, sandy shit. The tree's had dwindled down to pretty much just twigs and sticks and barely surviving brush. There wasn't much cover anywhere to be seen. This of course pissed me off, because it meant we were going to walk and walk and walk and have to carry these stinking, bleeding, dead birds until we found somewhere he deemed acceptable. It wasn't so unusual, really, except that it was usually a dead bounty instead of birds.

I complained, like I always do. I'm sorry, but that's fucking stupid. We haven't seen another living person aside from each other, (Haha, no pun intended. I'm so fucking clever though.) the sun was starting to set, and I was getting tired. Being buried in a hole for however fucking long it was is not exactly a good way to stay in shape.

We bickered, just like old times. Is it weird that that makes me happy? There was nothing, no one, to talk to down in The Hole. I couldn't even talk out loud. I was left alone with my thoughts. And I'll be honest here, I'm not the most pleasant fucking person to be trapped alone with. Kakuzu is such a trooper, he really is. Maybe that's what feels so different, that I miraculously managed to acquire respect for the old miser. Not that I didn't have it before, I mean, if you saw him in battle, going all out, you'd fall to your knees and nearly be brought to tears just from the beauty. I would know, because that's what I did.

This was different though. It wasn't so much as just general respect, it was like... what's the word, appreciation, maybe? Does that sound right? I don't know, I'm not so good with shit like that, zombie or not.

Finally we agreed to keep going, if we didn't find shelter by the time the moon rose to the high point in the sky, we'd stop and rest and eat. I was fucking thrilled, obviously, because I knew without a doubt that we wouldn't find anything. I was so sure, in fact, that when we made it over the top of a particularly steep hill and saw a campfire on the horizon, I assured Kakuzu repeatedly it was nothing more than a mirage brought on by the effects of hauling dead, disease-infested birds around for hours on end.

He ignored me, like usual. So I went on to explain to him in a logical and perfectly non-abrasive way that whoever it was was likley just some family or something left homeless by the way. He told me to shut up, or he'd kill me. Then went on to explain that there was a chance it could be another deserter, in which case they may have useful element affinities that he could use, and that he didn't like wandering around practically defenseless with one one heart.

I didn't like it either, and I was happy he was telling me to shut up and threatening my life again. Everything was going back to normal, or as normal as it could be. And this suited me just fine, I didn't mind a little bit of normal after being buried for forever.

He won the argument, in the end. He always did, and so I followed him across the borderline-desert region to the campfire. Because 1; This was a potential sacrifice. And 2; If he was useless like he said he was, this was my chance to go head to head with someone without having to worry about his interference. I could help him restock his arsenal, and through that, he would have no choice but to be grateful. And getting appreciation and acknowledgement from Kakuzu was a gift from the gods. I'm not serving him, he's not my God. But I wanted to do it anyway.

* * *

 

"Cower in fear, you pathetic atheists! For Jashin's judgement is upon you!" I shouted when we'd gotten near enough to the camp to see that there were two men sitting at the campfire. They had no tent or means of cover, so it was perfectly reasonable to assume it was just the two of them. I could take on two mere mortals.

I broke off into a run, adrenaline from the promise of violence coursing through me ignoring Kakuzu's warnings as I ran, because that was what we did. The men leapt from the logs they were sitting on, I heard them shout out warnings to each other, I saw their hand signs, but I continued barreling on toward them anyway.

A funnel of fire blasted toward me, I flipped to the right, wielding my rusty katana like I knew what I was doing. It's all about perception, you see. If they think you know what you're doing, they think you're a threat, and they get scared. When people get scared, they get desperate. When they get desperate, they make mistakes. That why stealth and other shady techniques never appealed to me, that and I could afford not to be cautious. What could they do to me anyway?

Intimidation is always the way to go, in my opinion. Make them shit themselves, make them doubt themselves, make them take that extra second to reconsider their next move, and the fight was already won.

The ground in front of me jutted up to block my path. I laughed, shrill and maniacal, and leaped, vaulting easily over it. Another one, even higher, sprang from the ground, I pushed with my right foot and barrel-rolled to the left, dodging it just as easily.

The men's eyes grew wide, they made more handsigns. The earth in front of me divided, I lunged across the distance, somersaulted on the ground to the other side, and broke back into my run. Child's play, really. If these guys were war deserters, they were fucking smart, or they'd be dead by someone else's hand already.

Luckily for me, they would die by mine. Mine and Jashin-sama's, I mean.

I was a mere 15 feet from their campsite, I used my deadly javelin skills to throw the katana just as they braced themselves to leap backward and put more distance between us. More fire exploded into the air in front of me, I flipped forward with a simple handspring and pushed off with all my strength to pole-vault over it. The sword had hit it's mark dead-on, piercing the earth-jutsu user's heart. I figured Kakuzu wouldn't need that one intact anyway, as his own affinity was earth.

When I landed I grabbed the weapon and ripped it from his flesh and dodged another scattering of fireballs, doing my best to wipe the dead man's blood from the blade. If I was going to do my ritual on this fire-style user, I couldn't risk accidentally ingesting the blood of someone already deceased.

I absently searched for Kakuzu's chakra signature while I danced around the man and his futile attacks, watching his expression grow more and more frantic as it sunk further and further into his head with each passing minute that he was going to die. His movements were getting sloppy, but when you were able to conjure fire, any sort of close range assault was much easier to prevent. So I kept dodging, until finally there was an opening. He hesitated, making a set of hand signs he hadn't made before, a jutsu he hadn't perfected, maybe? It didn't matter, he'd never get the chance to use it.

I chucked the katana at him like a dart, just as I did with his dead friend. It didn't strike through him, but it grazed him right across the shoulder and stuck fast into the rocky soul just on the other side of his campfire. He smiled at this, thinking he had just evaded death, that he had one-up'd me. I sneered back at him and bolted to retrieve the weapon. I hadn't meant to hit him, obviously. If the blade had been lodged in his body, it would have made it a lot harder to retrieve it so I could perform my ritual. Nope, I had intended it to just barely nick him.

See, giving your enemies false confidence was a strategic move too. Ask anyone. It worked just the same was as instilling fear. When they thought they had the upper-hand, they fucked around, didn't take it so seriously, they made mistakes. But that wasn't what I was going for. I was done playing with this fool, he was already dead anyway.

I snatched up the blade and leaped away, landing a good ten feet in front of kakuzu, who'd been taking his sweet-ass time in approaching the campsite while I did all the work. That was what I wanted anyway, but it still annoyed me. But then again, That was what we always did.

"You're officially out of this game now, heathen." I laughed at the man, who was still in the middle of his handsigns, looking at me in caution. I can only guess that he thought maybe I was going to retreat or something. Or maybe he'd just not noticed Kakuzu, and was finally surrendering to the notion that he was completely and utterly fucked.

"Your divine judgement has been passed, now, let's savour the utmost of suffering together!" I cried, bringing the sword up, and licking the sweet, metallic blood from it. Ah, I'd forgotten this too, I'd missed it. The near unholy bliss of feeling the suffering of another, of living through it when they had to die.

My heart pounded wildly in my chest in excitement, adrenaline coursed through me. I couldn't resist the insane laughter that burst from my body. I didn't care, you were allowed to be crazy when you felt this good. Or when you were about to...

Any second now...

The man blinked at me as I stood ready and waiting, holding the katana horizontally over my wrist, ready to slash it and provide the blood to make Jashin-sama's circle the second the curse kicked into effect.

...Whenever the hell it did. I don't remember it ever taking this long. Usually the effects were immediate.

"Hidan...?" Kakuzu said, behind me.

"Shut the hell up! I'm rusty, is all..." I shouted back, raising the blade again, lapping up a larger portion of blood, cleaning most of it from the disgusting, rusted metal. I was doing it right, it wasn't all that complicated to do. Taste blood, make circle, inflict pain, kill yourself. Not that fucking hard.

It still wasn't working, my chakra didn't surge as it always did. I glanced down at my arms, they were still pale. The curse wasn't working. Why the fucking hell wasn't it working?

"What the hell!?" I accidentally said out loud. At that moment the man seemed to realize that something was wrong, he finished performing his hand seals in a hurry, tilted his head, and blew a gigantic fireball that morphed and elongated into the form of a tiger. It swooped down and barrelled toward me, lighting the scant foliage aflame and tearing up the ground as it came closer and closer.

The tables turned, and it was my turn to panic.

_Why isn't my ritual working? It must be the fucking sword, maybe the rust was fucking up the genetic makeup of the blood... Fuck, that thing is about to be on me, that's okay, it can't kill me. In fact, I'll just run through the fucking thing and surprise him and slit his goddamn throat. Sorry Lord Jashin, I tried. Maybe next time..._

These thoughts all flitted through my head in a millisecond, and I growled under my breath and had just begun to lean forward to run through it when I was suddenly impaled by four shuriken in the joints of my shoulders and hips.

Searing pain shot through me, I think I cried out. Fuck, it really fucking hurt. This isn't right, it's not supposed to hurt like this. I remember the pain when I woke up, that really fucking hurt too. Pain is pain, but this is... this is something else. Fuck, I couldn't move.

I dropped to my knees and clenched my teeth, steeling myself against the oncoming massacre of pain that was likely to course through me when that fucking jutsu slammed into me. Damn it all, I was never going to hear the fucking end of this from Kakuzu.

'Don't die.' He'd told me.

Oh god these fucking shuriken hurt! They had to be poisoned or something! Fucking hell!

My skin heated up and burned with the heat of the attack, the thing was only half a foot away from me. I glared at it, daring it to do it's fucking worst. But then suddenly I was flying through the air, then rolling across the ground. I cried out when the repeated impact shoved the ninja-stars even deeper into my flesh. I swore and raged when my entire body flared up in a fire that didn't burn so much as just fucking  _hurt like hell._

For fuck's sake, I'd gotten my damn head chopped off and it hadn't felt this bad. Four measly chunks of metal impale themselves in me and suddenly I can't move? What the hell was going on here? It had to be some weird jutsu.

I managed to get myself to land on my back when I finally stopped tumbling. One hand came up to clenche at the shuriken in my left shoulder, it was shoved in there the deepest, only a fourth of it still protruding from my flesh. I screamed through the pain, suddenly deciding that I needed to look and see what the hell had just happened, what the hell was happening now. I craned my head only to see the silhouette of Kakuzu, holding the man up by the throat, he was screaming and kicking his legs, with his hands gripped around Kakuzu's wrist. His chest was currently being invaded by a mass of threads.

"God... dammit..." I growled through clenched teeth, unable to hold myself in that position any longer, I slumped back onto the ground, trying to breathe, trying to force the pain away, to numb myself. It wasn't working, it fucking hurt. I couldn't even muster up the strength to get these goddamn chunks of metal out of me. Fuck, Kakuzu had had to save my ass again, and now he was going to have to stitch me up,  _again_.

Dammit. Damn all of it.

* * *

 

"Are you going to explain what you were doing?" Kakuzu said as I tensed my body, feeling his threads slide through the four cuts in my skin and mend them. The bleeding wouldn't stop, which was extremely weird. Usually my body could heal itself from even the worst of attacks in a few days. Little scratches like these should already be halfway healed up in the two hours that had passed since Kakuzu finally killed that guy and drug both their bodies out far enough away from the camp so that the coyotes wouldn't bother us, then returned to literally hold me down so he could yank these things out of me and fix me.

I was fucking embarrassing, but seriously, it hurt so goddamn bad, I couldn't understand it. Getting cut or stabbed or having a body part fucking amputated had always hurt, yeah, it had hurt like a son of a bitch, but not like this. This was raw and unfiltered bullshit.

Something was wrong with me, with my body. But that didn't make sense. I'm immortal, my body is incapable of being in anything other than perfect condition.

"I wasn't  _doing_  anything. My ritual wouldn't work."

"So you try to get yourself killed?"

"What? No, I was going to run through the bastards technique and take him by surprise." I said, trying to sit up after he finished his stitching. I winced, and tried to stifle the moan that slipped through my clenched teeth anyway when pain stabbed through me. "Who the fuck are you to lecture me anyway? We always use that strategy, I provide distraction while one of your hearts comes up behind and blasts a fucking hole in the enemy. It's not any different."

"I would think after being bested by some kid who uses only shadows that perhaps you'd start attempting to devise some sort of strategy, instead of relying on your immortality."

"Fuck you. It always worked before. Besides, there was only the one guy left."

"You should never underestimate your opponent. That's what gets you killed."

"How many times do you have to be reminded that I  _can't_  die? I'm here right now aren't I?"

He didn't respond to this right away, only continueing to inspect me for other injuries. I let him, for a second at least, until he did something that tugged at one of the wounds and sent that god-awful pain sparking through me again.

"Quit your complaining." Kakuzu snapped when I tried to push his hands away from the four tender craters in my flesh. The stitches only made it worse, tugging at me every time I moved. "You never fidgeted this bad before."

"Well it never fucking hurt like this before."

"Don't be an idiot. All you ever did was bitch about being in pain." He paused for a moment, studying the sutured wounds. "It's still bleeding." He stated, and I grimaced at him.

"No shit. You think I don't know what happening to my own goddamned body?!" I half-shouted, wincing when the effort sent more zaps of agony through me. It was ironic that I said that, you see, because I was just as confused as he was. And I was angry about it too. I know it wasn't really his fault that this was happening, but it just made me angrier. And that was just how we worked anyway, going back and forth, insult for insult. That was us, Hidan and Kakuzu, the zombie duo, the immortal zealot and the bounty hunting miser.

"Something is wrong with you." He finally said, voicing my previous fears aloud. He seemed to dismiss it at the same time he said it, as if he didn't really care, but was just pointing out the obvious, like I wasn't fucking aware. He moved over to grab on the the birds, sat himself on one of the logs, and started ripping it's feathers out to prep it for the fire.

I scoffed, easing into a cross-legged position in front of the fire, still burning despite the battle. "Again, no shit. My fucking ritual didn't work. Pain fucking hurts. I'm not healing normally..." I let the sentence trail off as the most outlandish thought trickled into my mind. I think maybe my eyes went wide, because when I looked up at Kakuzu he squinted at me in question.

I died, I was in that hole forever, and for the longest time I stayed alive. But I finally died. And if I died, that means...

And... I didn't feel the normal connection to Lord Jashin as usual. There wasn't any nagging desire to give him his sacrifices, because I couldn't make them anyway. If I can't make sacrifices to him, then for one reason or another he'd decided he doesn't need my service any more. But the only reason I wouldn't be indebted to him any longer would be because... because I don't have his blessing anymore...

Why the fucking hell didn't this me before?

I opened my mouth to say something, but the thought flitted away and another one took it's place. I was about to get roasted alive by that fire attack, and then someone pulled me out of the way. It was Kakuzu, I know it was, because who the fuck else was around? It certainly wasn't Lord Jashin's graces, because apparently he abandoned me down in that hole. After everything I did for him, giving him all of me, my heart and soul and mind and body...

But... Kakuzu had always taken advantage of my immortality before, so why would he have pulled me out of the way? Unless... he knew.

"Kakuzu!" I snapped, he continued plucking the feathers from the chickenhawk, only giving a short 'Hm' in response.

"You were brought back with some other guy's jutsu..." I thought aloud.

"Yes."

"But you're free of it now."

"Yes."

"Do you know how to perform it?"

"No."

I paused, chewing on my lip and glaring at him from across the low, flickering flames. "I was dead..." I drawled. He has to know where this conversation is going by now. Kakuzu isn't stupid. He's just pretending to be, trying to avoid it as long as possible. He kept changing the subject when I asked him before. He said he needed my heart,  _my_  heart. And what does my heart have, specifically, that no one else's does?

"You were." He said again, just as carefully and guarded as he had said after I'd first woken up.

"So how the _fuck_ am I _alive_?" I said back, mocking him by adopting the same slow speech pattern, enunciating each word as if he might misunderstand otherwise.

He finally stopped plucking out feathers, but he didn't look at me just yet. I didn't let my eyes move a single centimeter, nor did I let down my glare.

I could push the questions aside before, because they hadn't been that important. But the game had changed, everything wasn't as it should be,  _I_  wasn't as I should be. If I couldn't perform my ritual, if I wasn't immune to injury, my advantage was gone. My entire battle style was useless. I died once, I wasn't going to fucking do it again, not without knowing  _why._

"I took your heart." He finally said, looking up at me. I didn't move, mostly because I couldn't, as my entire mind and everything I thought I knew about the universe felt like it had just exploded into ashes inside my head.

"You took... my heart..." I repeated, unable to do anything else. Maybe if I said it out loud it would make more sense.

"I needed to break his control on me, to assure that I would not cease to exist should he cancel the jutsu. I knew of no one else that could survive death. It was a farfetch'd idea, but it was all I had. I saw the brat who used shadows on the field, I even asked him about you, I didn't receive any answers, but the girl from that team implied that you were rotting away somewhere. I could only assumed you'd gone and got your head cut off again. But it worked to my advantage, that you were still alive, because it gave me the idea of how to break free."

He took my heart? He  _took_ my  _heart_?

"I made like I was going to continue taking my part in the war. But a bishop cannot do his job properly without the rook, and aside from that, I had no intention of being someone else's playing piece again. So when I found the chance, I slipped away, and returned to the place where I last saw you, and went into the woods where that Konoha brat led you. I came across the hole. I could still sense your chakra, just the thinnest traces left. I'm still not positive how much time had passed since our deaths, but I knew it had been a very long time, and if you were still alive after all that time... well... it was all I had."

I was still alive when he found me? Which meant Jashin hadn't abandoned me yet. But... but... he said I was dead! And now all the sudden I wasn't? I stared at him, my face slack for the fact that I suddenly didn't have the energy to control it, every spare ounce I had was trying to keep me from losing what was left of my mind. I think I made a sort of choking noise, because his expression shifted slightly, he averted his eyes for a second

 _What did you do to me?_  The real question lingered in the air between us. What theory was it that he wanted to test? I remember, he'd put a hand over his heart, and he'd said ' _I think it worked_...' But what had worked? What had he done? Why wasn't my ritual working? Why wasn't my body healing? Why was I feeling pain like some goddamned mortal!? Jashin hadn't left me yet when he found me, I wasn't dead yet. He took my heart, which meant...

"You... you killed me." I said breathlessly.

"Believe it or not, it was not intentional."

"You killed me." I said again, trying to get this thought to process into something else. I was alive, I was fucking alive, and he dug me up. Oh God... I remember! That noise! I thought it was my heart, it kept getting closer and closer.

_Ksht... Kssht-unk. Ksht-ksht-shunk._

That's not the sound a heart makes. That's not how a heart beats. That was the sound of him digging me out. Scooping up the dirt, throwing it away...

That dream, I'd had a dream that I'd gotten out, I could feel the chill, I could taste the air, I could breathe. And then... Then I was dying...

His brow furrowed. "I also saved you. I could have let you stay dead."

I blinked at him. He was right. He  _did_  kill me. Because he took my heart. And the heart is what keeps the body alive, the heart and the brain, but the heart is the only organ that can be successfully transplanted... Jashin must have left me then, because he took it. He left me and took my immortality with him, my ritual, my ability to stifle pain...

But... but if he took it... then how am I alive? We'd come full circle...

"How!? Why!? What did you do!?" I said, starting into a panic now.

He took a deep breath, and went back about plucking the feathers from the bird. I looked at it for a second, trying to suppress the urge to get up and stomp over there and grab the stupid thing and chuck it out into the darkness. I was mortal now, which meant I could starve to death, which meant I needed that.

"I actually had three hearts left, before I found you. Yours died instantly as soon as I took it from your body. Without it's vessel, it was nothing more than a normal heart, it seemed. At least that's what I thought. As you know, when my hearts is struck with a fatal blow, I can use another one to heal and jump-start it again, by taking the life essence from a spare. This is what I did with yours. And it worked, but it wouldn't stay alive.

"I was running out of time, I could  _feel_ that Yakushi bastard noticing that I was missing. I could  _sense_  him, I don't know how, getting ready to release my control of myself, to make me a pawn again. I had to get your heart going and break that control..." He paused, I could see his jaw working, his body was tensed stiff. And I knew, somehow, without knowing, that he'd done something drastic that he didn't want to admit to. That he was afraid to tell me.

This bothered me, but not in the way I expected. Fear... it didn't look good on him. I didn't like it. And it made me scared too.

"So..." He continued, apparently winning whatever internal battle he had just had with himself. "The only thing I could think was that it could not survive without it's vessel. But I needed it. With no other choice, I took out my own heart... And I put it into you, and I used my last spare to jump start it, and heal you."

He looked up at me, expression unreadable as always, but the look in his eyes said everything. It sucks that it was kind of indescribable, but I understood it.

"It worked. I felt the connection break. I don't know how the jutsu functioned, or  _functions_ , but it appears I managed to find a loophole. It appears _you_ can stay alive and _it_ can stay alive though you are seperate, but the immortality won't transfer... That or it broke when Kabuto tried to disable me. I don't know, I detest making impulsive decisions, but... it was all I had." He said again, for the third time, as if trying to convince me that he wasn't to blame.

I was utterly speechless. It was all I could do not to just pass out right there. My mind was blank, I couldn't think, I couldn't respond. He took out my heart, and replaced it with his. His heart,  _Kakuzu's_  heart, was beating in my chest right now, and mine in his. I always knew he was a crazy, sadistic, fucker. But this... I never saw it happening. He hated me, he'd never wanted my heart before. He would have left me to die if this shit hadn't happened, which I guess isn't all his fault, as he was dead too.

I can't believe it... He'd always said he would kill me. And he actually did. And then he fucking brought me back to life to rub it in my face.

"You son of a bitch..." I all but whispered. It was strange though, I was pissed, more pissed than I've ever been before. I wanted to jump across the space and kill him. I wanted to shove my hand through his stupid fucking chest and take back what was mine. I would put it back in my own fucking body, get my immortality back, rip his out, stomp it into the dirt, spit on it, and leave him there for the fucking vultures.

 _Why!? Why didn't you just leave me dead! It's gone Kakuzu, I'm... I'm... I'm not immortal anymore. I'm nothing. It's gone! It's fucking gone! Why did you even bring me back!? YOU TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME!_ I wanted to shout while I killed him, I could almost feel tears brimming in my eyes just thinking about it. How could he do this? I know he's sadistic, I know he doesn't like me, I could always deal with that before, I could fool myself into thinking maybe he thought of me as an equal. There were times, you know, when we got along, when he wasn't so bad to hang around with. Times that made me think that maybe he didn't hate me as much as he said he did. And especially now, he'd brought me back, pulled my ass from what I hadn't realized would be certain death, held me down and taken care of me... I thought... I thought maybe there was something more.

And that was the strange part. As mad as I was, as much as I wished he were dead, as fucking betrayed as I felt... I was glad. He was Kakuzu, my partner, my rival, my enemy, but also sort of my friend... I guess. And I had a fucking piece of him inside me, and so did he. The thing is, we were stuck with each other before merely for the sake of the Akatsuki, but now,  _now_  we were literally stuck with each other. If I died, he would die. I don't know if it worked the other way too, but I could only assume it would.

 _"Believe it or not, it wasn't intentional."_ Okay Kakuzu... Of course it wasn't, you ripped my heart from my body, but you didn't mean to fucking  _kill_  me.

That was okay though, because just with him saying that, even though he didn't mean to, he'd admitted that he didn't want to kill me, that he didn't hate me. Maybe if things hadn't turned out the way they did, maybe he would have broken the bond and then saved me for real, without having to kill me first. I mean, Kakuzu had always been the one to put me back together when I got chopped up in battle. Every time, he could have just left me. But he never did, not even now.

He wasn't saying anything, just sitting there in his stoic goddamned silence, plucking that goddamned bird, glancing up at me every so often like he didn't really care about my opinion on the matter, but wanted to make sure I wasn't going to suddenly attack him.

Yeah, right. I may be a fucking idiot some times, but I'm not dumb enough to take on Kakuzu without fucking immortality.

I stared at him, his tanned skin, looking even darker in the firelight. How the shadows fell over him, making him look even more terrifying, as if all his sutures weren't enough. This macabre person, stitched together like some freak experiment. His personality was just as bad as his looks, his morals no thicker than his stitches. I don't think there was a number high enough to count all the people he'd likely killed. 91 years,  _ninety-one years_  he'd been alive, that's almost a century. And yet still, somehow, he's dumb enough to save my ass time and time again. I don't think it's weird that I'm not afraid, especially after what I just learned, suddenly it made sense, even though it didn't, as to why I kept feeling that peaceful feeling, as if everything was right in the world.

"You stupid, stupid son of a bitch..." I muttered again, unable to stop the smile from stretching across me, unable to contain the small chuckle that slipped into my words.

He stopped, finally showing emotion, as he looked up at me in utter bewilderment. "You're laughing?" He questioned. And it occurred to me that he hadn't expected that, he'd expected me to get mad, to attack him, to wish he was dead, to hate him, but not to insult him and laugh about it. To carry on just as we always had, as if this catastrophic phenomenon had not just occured, as if his heart wasn't pumping blood through me, as if mine wasn't over there drumming away inside him.

I found myself absently trying to see if it felt different, having a heart nearly a century old running my body. Shit, I'm not immortal, I wonder if I could have a heart attack...

"Well, you know what they say about me. I'm psychotic."

He raised a brow, still looking at me as if I were the strangest thing. "Indeed."

"And now, Kakuzu-chan. Now you're stuck with me. The Akatsuki is all dead, you could have gone on your way, no more partners, no more missions, no more bijuu or jinchuuriki. Just you and your money and the blood and flesh and bones that stand between it. But no, you went and bound yourself to me." I smiled at him as his confusion slowly morphed into anger. "See, I knew you really do like me, don't cha Kuzu-chan?"

"Don't be an idiot." He growled. "I had no other choice."

"Uh, you could have chose death. I mean, you used to make it sound like you'd rather die than be my partner. Soooo, that was a lie, huh?"

"Shut up Hidan, or I'll kill you again."

"Tch. Please. Go right on ahead, and then you'll die too." I said, smirking and crossing my arms. Well shit, I should be pissed, I know I should. I should hate him, I should be trying to kill him right now. I mean, what fucking use am I without my immortality? I'm not dumb enough to say I had any other fucking talents. I'm arrogant, yeah, I have an ego, but I don't lie to myself. That's all I was ever good for, being immortal, killing and slaughtering, a weapon of destruction. If I can die, or be rendered unable to even fight with nothing more than a stupid fucking shuriken, I'm useless. Kakuzu hadn't done anything except burden himself even further. At least before I had some sort of potential. Now I really was nothing more than a companion. So I really had no reason to keep living, Jashin-sama had abandoned me, which hurt, and left me without purpose. But at the same time I felt all the more purposeful. I know that doesn't make sense, but really, it doesn't have to...

"I wouldn't mind dying, you know." I continued, shrugging when he only glared. "I mean, you took my fucking religion from me, Lord Jashin is  _gone._  He wants nothing to do with me now. Frankly I'm surprised he allowed you to bring me back. I don't have shit to stay alive for, except for you." I hadn't meant it the way it came out, and I blinked after I said it. Because it was true, he needed me to stay alive so that he could stay alive, my heart apparently couldn't exist without my healthy body. But with my heart seperated from my body, I was all that much more likely to die... How's that for fucking irony?

It was true in another way too. Had it been anyone other than Kakuzu, I really wouldn't have given a shit. I'd have probably killed myself by now, I'm not gonna suffer through mortal hell for just any random person.

He stared at me, I stared back. No glaring, no anger, just thoughtful silence. Until finally it was disrupted by my stomach growling. I winced at how much it hurt, and I swear to Jashin, I saw him fight a smile when I looked down in confusion at my bare stomach. It made sense, for me to be as hungry as I was, in fact I'm kind of surprised it wasn't worse. Technically I hadn't eaten since before I died, and before that, it had been a good four days. I know this because we spent three of them fucking sealing the stupid two-tails that Kakuzu and I so graciously caught for 'Leader-sama'. Some 'God' he turned out to be, dying and all.

"You wanna hurry up with that bird, before I keel over right fucking here?" I said, taking the liberty of getting up from the ground where I was seated and moving slowly (Because of the goddamn stitches) to sit beside him on the vacant spot on the log.

"It would be faster if you helped."

"That's why I came over here dumbass. Gimme the other one. But I get dibs on that one, cause you fucking made me mortal. Ass."

"You're an idiot."

"And you're stuck with me. Who's the bigger idiot here?"

 

* * *

 

As I had guessed before that whole bullshit night, the next step was to acquire money. This was annoying, obviously, but now I didn't really have any right to call the bastard a godless heathen. Honestly, I would have thought it would be a bigger transition than it was. Jashin-sama was my life, or had been, at least. But now he was just... gone. Almost like he just died away. It's like he didn't even exist anymore. And as we walked across the rolling, rocky hills at at the fucking pace of a disabled snail, I was having trouble figuring out why he had been so important, if he had even been real.

Just like being dead, it was hard to remember. Focusing harder didn't help, and just gave me a headache, everything was still fuzzy. There was no clarity there. It felt as if he'd taken everything with him when he left, even the memory... I couldn't understand, I couldn't wrap my head around it. Jashin is not a forgiving God, you cross him, you die. Shit, sometimes you don't even have to do anything, and you die. I had gone and lost to a fucking stupid brat with hair shaped like fruit, and he hadn't revoked his gift, despite the fact that there was no fucking hope for me to ever escape that damned hole.

And maybe I still had it even, maybe my heart was just like, the key, or something. Without it the lock wouldn't turn and the door wouldn't open. But if that were the case, I'd think I'd still feel something. I'd still have my faith...

And it got me kind of wondering, what good is a zealot with no zeal? A religious man with no God? Religion was about faith, and belief, so it shouldn't just be gone. I know Jashinism isn't like other religions, but I had submersed myself in it, like I'd said, it was my  _everything_. But now, it's just, POOF, gone.

Gods don't just die like that, they don't just disappear... And I don't understand. I am a servant, it's what I do. I carry out the will of my master and my God. I pass his blessings and judgements for him in his absence. A priest, left with nothing. What was there? What was I supposed to do now?

"Why are you being so quiet?" Kakuzu said suddenly, breaking me from my thoughts.

"What? You always tell me to shut up, and now when I'm trying to sort some shit out here you have to butt in and distract me?"

"Your silence is disturbing. The thought of you actually thinking is outlandish."

"Well excuse me for not knowing who I fucking am anymore! Shut the hell up and be happy I'm not trying to kill you. Like I said,  _I've_  got nothing to live for."

"Except me." He said back, with the slightest of grins.

It had been two days of nonstop walking, except for the occasional hunting break, and stopping to sleep at night. I was pleased to learn that he was letting me have more input on decisions like that, seeing as he couldn't be a relentless fucking slavedriver with me anymore, 'cuz I'd die. We kept having to stop and figure out where we were too. Kakuzu usually had a pretty good sense of direction, but anyone could get lost without some sort of goddamn map, especially in a fucking barren place like this where everything looked the same. Of course it never really amounted to anything, the most we could ever determine was which was was North, or South, and all the like. We were headed northwest, I'd figured out. Steadily too.

Apparently Kakuzu's plan was something along the lines of running off to Earth Country and hiding there for... well... he never said how long. Probably for the rest of our lives, seeing as we were not only re-animated corpses, but we were s-rank criminal missing-nin that had been members of the association that was plotting to take over the world. It kind of sucks, when you think about it, joining something like that, you never really see yourself in a situation like this. I mean, I never even dreamed the entire fucking Akatsuki would get themselves killed, let alone that I'd end up being brought back from the dead and demoted to a fucking mere mortal. Everyone in there had some sort of ridiculous strength, I can't say I'd ever predicted them to fail so miserably.

But, I supposed it was as good a plan as any. There were crazy mountains between Earth Country and all the other surrounding ones, so they didn't get bothered all that much. And it was a big fucking place, lots of places for two people on the run to hide. I mean, shit, with his fucking heart, surely I only had like, what? A month left? Before it crapped out. I don't know, I don't have four extra fucking hearts to keep it strong, I don't know how his weird body works, I never had the stomach to ask.

I don't know. I don't know anything at this point. At least before I had a vague sense of self, but now, I'm just some guy. I don't understand, and I don't know. I just follow Kakuzu.

"Well, it's true. What the hell do you want me to say here? 'Oh gee, thanks for saving me even though I'm a worthless piece of luggage now.' God, I'm like one of those oxygen tanks old people have to carry around so they won't forget how to breathe. Seriously."

"I don't recall you ever being so hateful toward yourself. In fact you were always the exact opposite, it was infuriating."

"Tch. You atheist. You don't know what I'm going through. I had one fucking purpose; to spread the word of Jashin. I failed, and now, I can't even manage to die correctly."

"You couldn't do that before, though. It was your most annoying quality."

Most annoying? You mean my single  _best_  quality, damn miser.

I growled in frustration, quickening my steps to turn and walk backwards in front of him. "I want to kill someone, I'm so goddamn frustrated! But to kill without cause, that's just mindless murdering. I have no fucking direction here, I'm not carrying out Lord Jashin's will anymore. I feel like one of those old-ass war veterans that aren't of any more use than to sit and argue about how many people they used to kill all the time."

"You're being predictably childish, Hidan."

"Hey, you're the one who said you didn't like me being quiet. Shut the hell up and deal with the consequences of your actions."

"Don't hold me responsible for some religious crisis you likely had while buried in that hole. All I did was take your heart, your soul remains intact. I have no connection with this loss of self."

"Yes you do. I could have just fucking withered away still knowing which way the world was turning and where I stood in it. And you came along for your own selfish needs, interrupted my beautiful death, and cast me into oblivion, you bloody fucking heathen."

"You have no means to spout your religious nonsense at me any longer, Hidan. As you said, Your God wants nothing more to do with you. That is no fault of mine, I'm not the one that put you in that hole."

"No, but I was still fucking alive until you had to tamper with me. He was still with me until you ripped out my heart."

"If that were true then I would not have been able to bring you back."

"You said yourself that you used one of your nasty hearts to revive me! You dick, that's probably what went wrong, you revived me with a fucking  _mortal_  heart. You took mine and gave me yours, Jashin can't do anything with  _your_ heart, you bloody goddamned atheist!"

"Well he certainly isn't doing anything with yours either."

"SHUT UP YOU BASTARD!"

"I'd like to inform you that it's getting increasingly hard not to throttle you."

I sneered at him and turned my back to him. "Don't blame me. You're the dumb fucker who saved my life. This is all  _your_ fault. I have nothing to do with it." I mocked, thinking myself to be feeding the fire, but not really giving a shit. I still wasn't afraid, for obvious reasons, and also other reasons that I wasn't really sure of, that kind of bugged me.

But that argument made a theory creep into my head. It was stupid, and I was embarrassed to even think of it. But what if this was some sort of sign? Jashin didn't want me anymore, I didn't have my heart, because Kakuzu took it. And Lord Jashin  _let_  him take it. I couldn't help but think maybe this related back to before we both died, I'd never denied having an awkward amount of interest in Kakuzu. It upset me that he didn't like me no matter what I did. I had thought that his opinions of me had changed after he brought me back, and I had no reason to believe otherwise. No reason to believe that maybe there was something more between us, that it was more than just admiration of his power.

Was that the problem, Jashin-sama? That I couldn't be completely devoted to you if there was someone else hogging my attention? Is that why you let him do this? It's a punishment, being mortal, but it's also... sort of like freedom...

 

* * *

 

An ambush came three days later. I think we had finally passed into Kusagakure territory. At least, I could only assume so, as that's what all their forehead protectors boldly declared. In the time since our little traumatic camp-out, Kakuzu and I had wandered through three more villages, all of them just as deserted as that very first had been. I managed to find more suitable weapons, all of them just little thinks like kunai and and paper-bombs and whatnot. We ran across better clothes, and shoes, and we were both sporting matching black cloaks now with the hood drawn over our faces. He still hadn't bothered to put on a mask though... But at least we didn't look like a pathetic couple of wanderers. We could cause suspicion of attention through pity or anything of the like.

I'm pretty sure we were taking just about every possible senic-route to get where we were going. Kakuzu mentioned something about having some sort of map in his head still as to where all the battles of the war were going on, and that he was purposely avoiding all those places by a very wide margin. It made for more travel time, but I guess that was okay. I didn't have anything better to do anyway, and I didn't want whoever resurrected him to decide he was too important to just let wander around.

He was mine now, in a way. I'd much rather die, and kill him in the process, then let him be taken from me now, to just let him be controlled again. I know he'd rather die too. If I hadn't still been alive in that hole, that's likely what would have happened. Neither of us would be here.

The ambush, however, consisted of pre-pubescent kids, I'm going to go ahead and assume it was because all the grown-ass men were fighting for their country or whatever. Kakuzu and I exchanged glances for a minute before looking back to consider just what, exactly, this was supposed to be. Surrounded by a group of kids armed with kunai, they didn't even know how to hold them correctly, that were barking orders all at once at the both of us to state our names and allegiance, to go ahead and turn around and leave, before they were forced to kill us, but to empty our pockets first and give them any cash and food and weaponry we had.

I thought this was hilarious, and made that clear by bursting into laughter, and I informed them despite Kakuzu's warning not to underestimate opponents that they probably needed to stop playing pretend and run home to their mothers before I ended up slaughtering all of them. These kids had spunk, I could respect that. I didn't necessarily want to be forced to kill them. Heartless, murdering bastards we may be, Kakuzu and I. But kids were kids.

It was at this point that they sprung the trap we had walked right into without realizing. It was also at this point that I began to panic.

One of the little boys, who actually seemed to know how to use a kunai, chucked his weapon behind him. It hit a strange indention in the rock face, and then suddenly from underneath the gravelly path Kakuzu and I had been standing on, back to back, cords sprung up and captured the both of us, forcing us to dangle there together in mid-air while the cables slowly got tighter and tighter around us. It wasn't all that complicated of a trap, in all honesty, but I lost it.

Suddenly flashing before my eyes was the night I'd been buried by that konoha brat, tied up and held in mid-air over the hole that would have served as my grave. It didn't make things any better that Kakuzu was there, a warm pressure behind me, with the ropes squeezing me tighter and tighter to him, starting to cut into my no-longer-immortal skin.

I suddenly couldn't breathe, I think maybe I started shouting frantically, I think I was struggling in my panic, I remember Kakuzu's voice telling me to calm down and knock it off. I remember wanting to listen, apologizing in my head because I couldn't do it out loud as I flailed and thrashed against the ropes.

 _I can't die again._  Is all I could think in my head.  _I can't die. I can't die. Kakuzu needs me. He is my purpose, he is my God._

Blood was running down my arms, I couldn't stop screaming and fighting, I remember feeling like my eyes were going to explode from my head. The pressure of my partner behind me disappeared, but the cords only snapped around me tighter with an audible  _twang_. I kept shouting and snarling and growling, I couldn't stop myself, I don't even know what I was saying. I couldn't draw in enough breath because I couldn't stop yelling and the cords were squeezing the air out of me. My vision was going black, and I panic'd even more, all I could think was that I was in The Hole again. That the dirt and rocks were pressing down on me, and now I didn't even have a god to pray to. There was no hope left of escaping again. Because if I died, Kakuzu would die. We were both going to die again. And there was nothing I could do.

 

* * *

 

"Hidan..."

Who is that? Who's voice is that?

"Hidan, wake up."

Jashin-sama? Is that you? Have you come back?

My body hurt, everywhere, it stung, all over me it stung and it hurt. It was pain, but it wasn't good pain. This hurt, it hurt like hell. I couldn't breathe, something kept pushing on my chest, forcing out the air that wasn't in there. But then there  _was_  air, forcing it's way down my mouth and throat and into my lungs, it was stale air, and it wasn't enough, as if there wasn't any actual oxygen in it. I couldn't hold onto it, and it was pushed back out of me only to more to force it's way back in.

"Hidan... Wake up...  _please..."_

I woke up gasping for air in darkness. Because I knew that voice, it wasn't Lord Jashin, he wasn't my God anymore. I had a new God now, and that's who it was. They were trying to make me alive again, just as Kakuzu had done. Breathing life into my useless mortal body in an attempt to keep his heart beating in my chest.

I couldn't see anything, I was still panicking, making a strange series of sounds as I tried to figure out where I was and what was happening. And the black faded away, my vision returned, I was greeted with the sight of rock walls surrounding me on all sides. I remember flailing, and I heard myself cry out when my body burst into searing pain again.

No, I was in The Hole again, I was dead, or dying. It wasn't fair, I hadn't even gotten any time. I hadn't gotten to do anything. I couldn't die again, I really couldn't this time. Kakuzu needed me to stay alive. I couldn't die again, I finally had a real, tangible reason to stay alive. I couldn't let this happen.

I struggled, shouting and swearing at the pain that felt as if it were actually burning me. if I could move, then i could escape, I could get out of this hole, and I could go back to him. I could assure him that I was still here, that he didn't need to worry. That I would take care of his heart with everything I had.

Strong hands gripped my shoulders, I whimpered as my skin flared from the touch. And suddenly I was looking into a pair of eyes, black sclera, green iris, no pupils.

"Hidan! Calm down. You're fine." He ordered.

I blinked, remembering that those were his eyes now. My purpose, my everything. He was here with me, I wasn't alone, I wasn't buried, I wasn't dead.

I managed to control my breathing, after I realized finally that I  _could_  breathe. And I stared at him, never wanting to look away from those eyes again, no matter how different they were.

"You're fine..." He said again, but softer now, not looking away.

"Kakuzu..." I whimpered, hating myself for it, but not really caring at the same time. "I'm not dead. You're not dead. We're alive."

He nodded. "We are. Though if we had died it would be exclusively your fault. What the hell is wrong with you? Losing your head in such a mediocre trap set by  _children_. Idiot."

"I..." I couldn't say anything more than that. Clarity crept into me once more, reminding me of the pathetic ambush by kids. Humiliation flooded in, but it was softened by relief. I almost asked what happened to the kids, but I didn't fucking care. I hope he killed them, the little brats. Send their mothers a message; don't send fucking kids to fight your battles.

I was alive, I wasn't in The Hole, we were just in some sort of cave.

My breathing finally returning to a moderately normal pace. My body felt like it was on fire, and I remembered the wires cutting into me. I wanted to look down, to see what shape I was in, but I couldn't. And I knew Kakuzu would have stitched me up by now, I knew he did, as every throb of my skin sent little painful tugs of pain racing through me. Even the wounds that hadn't healed completely from the shuriken were hurting now.

"I'm assuming that's was how the Konoha brat managed to cut you into pieces and bury you." He said now, removing his hands from my shoulders. I managed to glance down at them, they were covered in blood.  _My_  blood, I somehow knew without asking. "It would have been nice to know that bit of information before. I could have been prepared for your little episode. At least you succeeded in terrifying those kids so bad that they ran off. It would have been difficult to untangle your flailing ass while trying to defend you without assistance."

"Stop making fun of me." I said, meaning it to come out as a threat but only sounding even more pathetic.  _I'm not dead, I didn't die, I didn't fail. I was still serving my purpose._  That was nothing to tease me for, you fucking asshole.

"Well, you're fine now, pull yourself together."

He started to move away, but I reached out and grabbed his arm. I didn't want him to leave, even if he was only moving away. He stopped, and looked at me suspiciously. "I thought I was going to die, and I thought I was going to kill you." I explained, not knowing why. I didn't have any energy to put up a front, my entire body hurt like never before, and I was still scared. But I remembered what I had kept thinking in those delirious moments.

I wasn't without a purpose, my purpose was to keep Kakuzu alive. Because he was my God now, my direction, he was all I had, he was my everything. "I couldn't... I couldn't do it. I can't.. I can't do that to you." I stared at him, he stared back. Expression unreadable as always. "I don't want you to leave me." I muttered.

"Hidan..." He said, his voice low and full of warning. But the apprehension didn't reflect in his eyes. I was still making a scene, I know it. But I couldn't do it, I couldn't die  _again_  without him at least knowing. Knowing that he meant more to me, more than anything. I don't think I was even aware of it until I was in that trap, at least not fully aware. He'd always been more, I'd held him in higher regards than anyone else, right there next to Jashin-sama. But Jashin was gone, and only Kakuzu remained.

He was all I had.

He was all I wanted.

"I'm not going anywhere..." He said back.

I looked at him, and something other than pain flooded into me. It hurt to move, it hurt like a son of a bitch, but I didn't care. I would hurt for him, And I would die for him if it didn't mean taking him with me. He took my immortality, but in a way he gave me something more. Jashin left because he couldn't have all of me, and now there was nothing but all of me to give. I was a servant, nothing more. My purpose was to serve my God, carry out his will, spread the word of his glory. And I had a new God now. A mortal God. A  _real_  God.

I pushed to my knees and wrapped my arms around his neck. I pressed myself into him. He didn't push me away, and so I pushed against him harder. Somehow we both ended up falling, and he was on his back and I was laying on top of him.

"You're my God now. Okay? Can you handle that, old man?" I mumbled into his neck. he wasn't trying to get me off of him, and something about that just made that warmth stronger, it helped block out the pain, the tugging from the sutures, the headache and heartache.

"It doesn't seem as if I have a choice. As you pointed out before, I'm stuck with you." No insulting, no chiding, no teasing. He was letting me do this, letting me say this, accepting it.

"Yeah. I'm an idiot, but you're bound to me. So who's the bigger idiot?"

"We're both idiots."

"Damn right."

He shifted his hands around my middle, started to push me away, I let him, but he stopped. I lifted my head to look at him, he stared back. "You're an idiot." He said. I opened my mouth to argue, but he pulled me close, and our mouths were against each other.

At it was at that exact moment that I knew everything would be fine. Mortal or not, I would always have him with me. Not just because we'd both die if one of us did, but because he wanted to be here. And because I wanted to be here.

Because he was all I had, and somehow, I was more than happy to realize that I was all he had, too. So we would keep going, out into earth country where we could hide from the world we weren't supposed to be a part of any longer. Live out the rest of our days in our mutual mortality, Me following him, helping him when he needed it, him protecting me, putting me back together when I fell apart. Everything would be fine now.

Those konoha bastards could go get themselves killed in whatever war was going on. We weren't a part of that now, we had paid our dues and served our means and not received anything from it. That shadow brat could go have his stupid, empty future. That jinchuuriki could keep being a slave to the demon inside him. They were more doomed alive than they were dead. I had no more use for revenge.

_You are not my god. Because Kakuzu is._

 

 

_'Heart for heart, we fall apart. With Heart in Hand, we'll live again.' -Wierdowithagun_


End file.
